You have to save YOU.

Good morning Love Birds.

Yesterday, I received some saddeningly ugly news.

A particularly significant ex-boyfriend of mine committed suicide a few days ago.

I haven't seen or spoken to him in years. This boy was not significant because he was still a part of my life--he was significant in the way that someone who altered you--for good AND bad--only can be.

He was not a nice person. I say that knowing full well that, in death, most people find something nice to say. And yet.
He wasn't nice.
He was abusive and dark and selfish and sweet and charming and romantic. Yep, he was "that guy" for me. In so many twisted ways. On my eighteenth birthday, I threw myself out of a dysfunctional home environment into an even more dysfunctional relationship. And from there, it spiraled downward.

Looking back, I can remember knowing that he was damaged. But then, we both were. And although I probably couldn't have put it into these words at the time, I know now that my deepest, darkest secret desire, expectation even, was that we would somehow save each other. I thought we'd be messed up together, get into trouble, toe the line of the law, fall onto the wrong side of it a few times even. But then, we'd drag each other up and out and put each other back together again.

Only, that didn't happen.

One horrible straw led to another and finally, came the LAST straw and then I had no choice but to get away. To stop trying to bring him with me and just GO. I left in the kind of way that felt hard and fast and completely cutting. I haven't spoken to him since. That was 12 years ago.

Then, yesterday, I received the news that he'd shot himself.

It's so, so sad, but for me it was deeper than an unfortunate story in the news of someone I once knew. It's brought to surface all sorts of old feelings. Not the least of which is that feeling of wanting to save him, of wanting him to save me. And in the end, neither one happened.
In the end, I saved myself.

This is not a post about "hey, thanks for being a jerk so I could get motivated to heal my life."

This is not a post about "suicide is so tragic. I wish we'd all done more."

It's just an observation. The choice to be saved from "that other path" is your own. Never anyone else's. You can't blame someone else for your failures. But, fortunately, that means you can't blame someone else for your success either.

In the end, it's up to you.

Today, more than other days, I'm so grateful that I saved myself.

Halfway rockstars don't exist

This is a post I first wrote for Phoenix, my author coaching clients. I try to use my own STUFF as encouragement for my authors. Mostly because whatever I struggle with, you struggle with. Whatever wears on me probably wears on you. People are essentially the same. I decided to also post it here because it's been a while since I've been honest in a raw kind of way about my personal life with my readers. And these last four weeks or so have felt really raw. (no lie, I blame that last moon cycle. That one was a bitch!) But it's a new cycle now and I'm feeling much more like my TRUE SELF. I've got a good handle on my personal truth and I want to share it with everyone else who maybe struggles with keeping hold of their truth instead of taking on someone else's. (Living an OutRAGEous Life isn't as easy as you think!)

When I'm faced with a new choice, I spend only a few seconds deciding whether I want it or not. If not, I walk away. If so, I go for it.

But then I have a bad habit of spending the next LONG WHILE second-guessing that decision or feeling guilty for taking the opportunity OR unhappy as I contemplate all the judgment others must be passing on me behind my back because they would never do something so crazystupidinsaneunreasonable or just basically outside the box.

If you're like me, this sort of thing happens when you try to do something outside the "YOU" that fits into everyone's definition of what you "SHOULD DO."

Like, for example, Guam.

In July, I head back there--without the kiddos. Some people think that me leaving my kids makes me a less-than-great (Or unstable, in some conversations) mother. Or a slew of other judgy things that have been pulling me down in all areas. I mean, I've been though enough of a personal journey that I can't NOT follow my dreams (of travel and true love and anything that makes me this HAPPY) but I've been walking around feeling YUCK about it. Like that will make all of the naysayers feel better or come around. "Oh, well, she feels guilty for it, so, we forgive her."

Uh, no.

Doesn't work that way.

My point is, if you've ever felt this too. Maybe with wanting to write but everyone telling you it wasn't a "real job," over committing even though you didn't WANT to do something for someone but you felt obligated (aka GUILT), being afraid to write the kind of story you WANT to write because "what will people think?"

Building an entire life out of what you're "SUPPOSED TO" do or be or act like, instead of anything that gets you so happy and lit up that it makes you OutRAGEous.

I see you all writing books and publishing and living out that part of your happiness. But what about the choices you've made for others? The secret stuff, the paranormal erotica, the wanting to move to Bali, the stuff no one knows OR the stuff you've chosen but then walk around feeling bad about???? And then you wonder why this choice isn't working out now! Well of course it won't, not when you feel so awful about it!

It's not easy letting go of the yucky feelings that come with being a rebel. But it's totally worth it. The fact is, no one ever became famous or achieved their dreams or left a lasting mark or FULFILLED THEIR DESTINY or lived a happily ever after by "half-assing" their choices.

I saw this on Facebook yesterday:

When you die, your life is summed up by two dates and a dash. Make the MOST of the dash.

What are you making of your dash?

~Heather

If you like what you read here and want to join my Phoenix email list to get more of the same, you can click here to join Phoenix's mailing list. It's geared toward authors but my message: How to create your own OutRAGEous Life applies to everyone!

Top 5 Fictional Couples

It's FUN FRIDAY!!!!

YAY!

Wait, what does that mean? Oh, yeah! It means the YA Storytellers are all posting about the SAME fun topic which is... Favorite Fictional Characters. If you want to read someone else's list besides mine, you can go to the YA Storytellers site and pick someone else to stalk.




For everyone still here, here's my list in PRIORITY ORDER! I have serious opinions about this subject!

1. Clary and Jace. No question.

Think about it, any other who can make you wonder if the leading couple are actually brother and sister and STILL make you want to see them make out AND not make it WEIRD, that's success! You know it. I know it. 

And Jace is, without question, my number one book boyfriend. #handsoff

 

2. Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars. 

"Okay?"

"Okay."

Oh, and this: "You're so busy being you that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are." -Augustus Waters. I love that one so much, I didn't have to look it up to type it here. And it's been a year and a half since I read the book. Any book with a quote that unforgettable gets into this list.

Augustus Waters IS true love.

Nothing else even needs to be said here.

3. Ren and Kelsey from Tiger's Curse by Colleen Hoover

Spoiler Alert: HE GAVE HER TO HIS BROTHER!!!!!!

Complete and total White Fang scenario!!!!!!

And I know she went for it for a while but that's because SHE was White Fanging him back!!! #TrueLove

*sigh*

4. Jess and Nick from New Girl. 

I know, I know. It's not a book. I. Can't. Even. Care.

Have you seen the episode from Season 1 where they kiss for the first time?????

THAT'S that shit where Every Girl Should Always Be Kissed Like That Forever to stay in love. Period. It was amazing. I smoked a cigarette after watching it. And then I watched it again.

*goes to find the DVR remote*

5. Okay, so I got this far and now I'm stuuuuck. There are sooo many!

Zoey and Stark from House of Night by PC Cast. #somuchtruenessinthelove

Alec and Magnus Bane from The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare

Trys and Four from Divergent by Veronica Roth

Katniss and Peeta from Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

NO. WAIT. GOT IT.

Nora and Bram from Dearly, Departed by Lia Habel

If you haven't read Steampunk Zombies, you're just playing around. Get serious. 

This book was UH-mazing. it's a series. Go. You're welcome.

Okay, I think that's my final answer. This post was hard/fun/entertaining to write! Who is YOUR favorite fictional character?

Me on my Writing Process and a really vague video full of excitement.

First, I want to say Heyyyy <-- a big shout out to Justine Winter, the author that tagged me in this writing blog hop. You can check out her site (and books) here. And you should. She rocks! (and not just because she writes about hottie wolves!)

Now. For my turn and this--
A convoluted intro for ya:

So, a couple of weeks ago I was approached to do this "My Writing Process – Blog Tour" thing by an author friend and I was like "yeah" and then I read the questions I was supposed to answer and I had to change it to "oh, noooo." *sad face*

Then I was asked again a few days later, and I was like, "Hmmm. Maybe. Lemme check." 
I mean, I wanted to. I really love sharing with you guys what I'm working on all the time. But there's this THING. It's a big, fat, GIANT thing, actually, and I can't talk about it just yet. 
Which is killing me!!!!!! .... but also comes down to: I wasn't sure if I could answer question 1.
So I said maybe.
Then I checked. 
SO, the answer is this: I can't tell you what I'm working on YET but I can tell you it's huge (and vague) and stellar (and mysterious) and worth waiting for (and still not happening yet). 
Does that clear it up?
Okay, I agree, it doesn't, BUT to make up for my vagueness, I made a video:

So yeah. I hope that's consolation enough. 

NOW on to the questions!


1)     What am I working on? Um. Yeah. See video above. 
2)     How does my work differ from others of its genre? well, one, I'm obviously good at being vague and excited at the same time. Okay, seriously though, my work has the common thread of hope and first love woven into ALL of my stories. and I sort of like that. I hope you do too. I'm a hopeful kind of person.
3)     Why do I write what I do? Again, I'm a hopeful kind of person. and I like kissing. a lot. and bad boys with snarky attitudes. =) 
4)     How does your writing process work? I come up with a concept and then I usually story board, where my ideas look a lot like this:

Except, maybe a little more specific. Hopefully.
And then I sit down and write a draft. In silence. 
The boyfriend jokes me/can't believe it. I don't listen to music. I don't watch TV. I write mostly while the minions are away at school or in bed. I just like the sound of the story playing in my head. It's more real that way, like a movie on my own private screen. And my characters are much easier to hear when they don't have to talk over anyone. It's just what I do. 
Silence. It's golden, yo.

Okay, so the final piece to this writer hop pie is that I'm going to tell you who is next in the tagging. So. Next Monday, you'll get a bloggy treat from the following authors who are made of awesome:

Amanda Aksel. She's basically my sister from another mister. Everyone says we look like it and I think we're starting to act like it the more time we spend together. Her new book, The Man Test, is like Sex in the City meets Bridesmaids. Too funny. Characters to love and heels to die for. You gotta check her out. Amanda's also one of my partners in crime in my new publishing company, Elephantine Publishing! #jointheherd

Desiree Williams. She's sort of like a modern-day Superwoman--but funnier. Seriously, she juggles so much between a hubs, a daughter, a job, a church family, AND writing, I am in awe of All The Things. And her first book, Heart Song, will be out end of May so check it out! Killer cover! and even BETTER story inside! (I may have gotten to read this one early, so HA!)

Fun Friday: A Supernatural This or That with Liz Long!

This week is another Fun Friday post brought to you by the amazingness that is the Society of YA Storytellers!

This week is "host a storyteller" which is most awesome because it means I got to hang with the talented and gorgeous Liz Long! Liz is cool because, among other things, she writes about a supernatural circus. 

And since we both adore the paranormal, for our topic, we decided to do a "Supernatural This or That!"

Check out Liz's answers below AND if you want to know MY answers, you'll have to read her blog here.

1. The one you choose lives. The one you don't is stuck with Elana forever: Stefan or Damon? Oh I definitely choose Damon!! 

2. You have to pick one meal for the rest of your life: Blood-sucking or face-eating? Blood-sucking. Eyeballs are probably full of empty calories. 

3. Flying or mind-reading? Flying - no one needs to hear the awful things people can think! 

4. Do you want to attack Mordor (Lord of the Rings) or take on an entire army of Death Eaters? Death Eaters, mostly because that means I'm not being chased by Orcs. 

5. You're in Wonderland and you have to choose: would you eat the cake or drink the juice? Cake, of course! 

6. Let's say you're thrown into the Hunger Games - what weapon do you go for, bow and arrow or big sword? Big sword, cause I'd probably run out of arrows before I hit a real target.

7. The Winchester brothers take you on a hunt and decide to split up - go with Dean or Sam? Dean. Always, for anything at all, Dean. (The question doesn't really matter. Dean.) 

8. Out of all the Deathly Hallows, which one would you keep: Cloak, Wand, or Stone? Cloak of Invisibility

9. The power to wield and control fire or ability to transport anywhere at your will? Transporter - Firestarters are cool and all, but I like my house in once piece. Also, think of the money you'd say not needing to buy plane tickets!

10. Witchy powers or ability to help ghosts move on to their next life?  Witchy powers for sure!

And if you want to check out Liz's circus book. Gifted, you can get it here on Amazon for just .99!

Still want more about Liz? Okay, okay. Here it is. 

My name is Liz Long and I’m a writer, photographer, dreamer, and Twitter stalker (you can also put “nerdy” in front of all those things). Whether you’re looking for a new fantasy read, need marketing and social media tips, or want some writing advice from an indie author, I promise to provide in the best way possible.

I am lucky enough to have my dream job as the Social Media & PR Strategist at LeisureMedia360, where I run the social sites (blogs, website, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest) for our publications: The Roanoker, Blue Ridge Country, and bridebook. I also write articles for print issues, though my focus is online content. You can a more in-depth profile at my portfolio on the Career Writing page.

I also lead social media workshops such as the 2014 Roanoke Writers Conference and Roanoke Wedding Network sessions. I was an editor and writer at Bella Magazine, as well as a marketing associate at a small book publishing firm in Nashville, TN. I’ve also worked in radio as a DJ and promotions assistant.

Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! Email me at lizclong[at]gmail[dot]com!

Help Me Write Dirty Blood 5!

I am excited that today is today!!!!
WHY? Because today kicks off a new contest I'm running, just for all your Dirty Blood lovers out there! It's a fun, awesome, exciting, SUPER DUPER wacky contest!
I'm a fan of all those things.

Here's the deal:
YOU, the reader, are going to help me write Dirty Blood 5.
I have started working on it but I put it away again in favor of another, more pressing, project that, sadly, I can't share with you yet.
But as soon as I'm able, I will get back to it, promise!
In the meantime, you can help!

Below, you can enter via all the easy-peasy ways you're used to... OR you can submit your wacky, crazy, sexy, cool (#TLCreference #Sucha90sgirl) 1-LINER and the winner gets their line published in Dirty Blood 5!

Cool, right?!?! I think so.

This contest runs until 5/9/14 so put on your thinking caps and choose your words well. They may end up in print! Woot woot!

Good luck and happy writing, readers!

**If you haven't read Dirty Blood yet (do you live under a rock??? It has sexy werewolves, people!) you can visit some of the following blogs and check out their review stop for the series and get a clue as to just how crazy your 1-LINER can be!

Penny For Them on 4/30
A Novel Review on 5/1
Paranormal Romance & Authors That Rock on 5/2
Doctors Notes on 5/5

And now get entered!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Going Steady

yayayayayayayayayayayayaYAY!
I get to tell you something exciting. (There's another exciting thing but it's kind of like Fight Club right now, in that, if I tell you, I'll get beat up by someone who is still sort of invisible to the rest of you.)

So, THIS exciting thing, is a new relationship (of sorts) that I'm super stoked about--and yes, the darling boyfriend is aware and fully accepting of said relationship.

I am now working with Rebecca Friedman of RF Literary!!

Woot woot! *throws confetti* *gets it in her eye* *doesn't care*

In Rebecca's words, we're going steady. *cheesy grin*
This is exciting to me for a couple of reasons.
1. Rebecca is awesome.
Exhibit A: she's been to Thailand
Exhibit B: All you have to do is talk to her on the phone for approx 3 seconds and you'll agree that she's awesome.

2. Working with a literary agent has been a goal of mine since I started publishing in 2009, but most SERIOUSLY, a goal that I've focused on for about a year now. (It's a HUGE step toward another goal of mine, to become a hybrid author.) So much so, that I painted it on my wall in November 2012 so that I would see it every day and embed it into my subconscious. It would be so ingrained in me, my brain--and the Universe--would have no choice but to make it a reality.

Looks like it worked!

And any time I reach a goal (especially one of those I painted), it's like the Universe saying "See, you're taken care of. And that was easy. Give us another one. Make it good!" And it makes me warm and fuzzy all over.

So, this: Rebecca Friedman, you make me warm and fuzzy all over.

Yeah, that's on the internet now. Don't make it weird.

And also this: Whether you paint your dreams on your wall or just Sharpie it onto poster board, HAVE GOALS. Write them down. Read them over and over. Embed into subconscious. And then watch them happen to you.

Seriously. It's a thing. I know it sounds ridiculously simple. Maybe too simple. But it works. I encourage you to try it. Don't stop believing in yourself. You can do this! I can't wait to see it happen to you too!

Extra, Extra...!

SO MANY THINGS. New things. Old things. Anticipated things. Surprising things <-- can't tell you about those yet. But I want to!!

First-this.
Deviation is out!!!
woot woot!!!

This cover just amazes me. Fascinates me. Seriously, Emily Tippetts is a genius and sort of my new idol. After these past few weeks I'm now convinced, she can do everything. I mean, everything. If you want to know how to turn water into wine, you should probably email her. Just sayin'.

Anyway, Deviation, book 2 in the Clone Chronicles, is now available for Kindle, Nook, and Kobo.

Coming soon in pb and everywhere else that's important. 

And to kick things off, there's a giveaway (there should always be a giveaway) and it's this:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

And the tour kicks off at A Book Vacation with Shana who rocks because she made me this:

And goes to places like Happy Tails and Tales on 3/15 with Maghon 

who will have a special announcement!!!!

and end with Kristen at Seeing Night Reviews

and then Cameron at What the Cat Read on 3/26. 

Be sure to enter the giveaway by then!!

Also, in the "New and Fantastically exciting department" is this AWESOME ANNOUNCEMENT I CAN FINALLY SHARE WITH YOU ALL!!!

I feel like I should do a cheerleader kick here--but I don't know how, so I'll just say it:

I am officially the proud (one-third) owner of a publishing company!!!!!!

OH yeah-- you heard me right!!! Check it:

And the best part is that we're not your average, run-of-the-mill publisher. Oh no (I don't do anything average and I don't really know what run-of-the-mill looks like so...)

What are we about?

This.

While sharing marketing tips and discussing cover art, independent authors Amanda Aksel, Heather Hildenbrand, and Sara Panek all came to the same conclusion; wouldn’t it be great if there was a publishing house that offered all the resources of traditional publishing, while still allowing the creative freedom of independent publishing? They set out to create their vision, and Elephantine Publishing was born.

Elephantine is a collaborative publisher. Our goal is to partner with you to turn your love of writing into a successful career for years to come. We work side by side with our authors through every step of the publishing process to create a unique and professional title to share with the world. Using strategic marketing, we provide our authors with industry tools and resources to build readership and grow sales.

Our aim is simple. We seek to provide access to all stories worth telling, whether or not the words fit into a neatly labeled box. Words that resonate in your bones. Stories you’ll never forget.

***

I am so excited to be able to FINALLY share this news with you!!! 

(THIS is where I've been hiding for months.)

I hope you'll check us out.

I'm pretty proud of my elephant baby.

www.elephantinepublishing.com

AND ALSO 

in the "EXCITING STORY OF MY LIFE" department

(I'm just full of good things lately and I love it)

I am still in Guam, still soaking it up. 

Still hanging out in places that look like this:

And I just want you guys to know I am so GRATEFUL for so many awesome readers and bloggers. You guys are what makes this possible for my life!!! Thank you so much for giving me this gift!! <3

Every day I wake up in awe of the life I get to lead. 

Much love. 

Guam and New Adult new releases

WHERE THE HECK IS HEATHER???

Uh, yeah, she’s in Guam.

I feel like this is probably a typical conversation right now among some of you. I have been here for 11 days now and I’ve been pretty quiet online because, really, I’m in GUAM!! And it looks like this:

And this:

Yeah, you’re seeing right. I took this from the back of the motorcycle. The ocean is that close to the road. It’s amazing. So much beauty and sun to soak up!

Okay, but I have been working here. Between trips to beautiful beaches and hiking to waterfalls, I have been working on Deviation. It comes out 3/12 and I can’t wait to share it with you!!!

The awesome Shana at A Book Vacation has made a killer tour banner and I’m getting the prize pack together and sending out review copies. Things are happening. Also, some of you have asked me and YES, there WILL be an NA version of Deviation. It will be called The Girl Who Was, a sequel to The Girl Who Wasn’t which came out a few weeks ago and looks like this:

It’s available now for Kindle and on Smashwords for any format. I am really excited to do this companion version!! It’s a gritty, sexy version of Imitation which is how I saw the story to begin with but because it’s the SAME story as Imitation, I wasn’t sure of the response. And so far, everyone has loved it. So I am going to do the same with book 2. It should be out by end of March. I will keep you posted.

For now, it’s back to the beach…

A teaser for Valentine's Day!

Me and some of the other awesome authors over at The YA Storytellers do a really cool thing called Fun Fridays where we post about the same theme every couple of weeks. This week, the theme is Romantic Teasers, for Valentine's Day.

And what better way to TEASE than with my upcoming sequel to Imitation?????
I, for one, would really enjoy Linc Crawford--for Valentine's Day or any other day!! And the cover for this one will be revealed on MONDAY!!! wooohoooo!

Here's a romantic peek at book 2:

The darkness is so complete it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I raise my hand in front of my face but the blackness remains undisturbed. I blink. Still nothing.
“Ven?” Linc’s voice is low and gravelly. It echoes around us.
“I’m here,” I say, whispering so the sound of my own voice doesn’t startle me.
Sometimes, all I have is a flashlight and a stick. Morton gave me the stick after that first time I came through alone. Linc had been on assignment and I’d come alone.  I was a shaking mess by the time I’d reached the entrance. It’d taken me two hours to muster the courage to leave. Titus had sent security to look for me. I’d almost blown it despite Linc’s assurances that he’d remotely masked my GPS reading.
Now I have the scrambler. Linc made me promise not to use it unless absolutely necessary. He’s programmed it to redirect instead. “Remember how Williams ran in all crazy-eyed when he thought he lost you? Yeah, scrambling does that. We don’t want to alert the cavalry. Only divert them.”
I agreed and let him do the fancy finger swiping—but only if he promised to show me the workings of the device later.
I use my stick like a cane, lightly tapping the floor and wall as I shuffle forward. I don’t like the darkness here. I don’t like darkness anywhere. It feels too unpredictable. Darkness, like memory, is the sort of thing people disappear into and never surface from again.
After my previous trips navigating this tunnel, I should be accustomed to the pressing blackness. The dampness. The slimy walls and squeaky rodents I imagine scampering around at my feet. But it’s still just as terrifying as the first time Obadiah brought me here. I wish there was a better hiding place for them, but so far, I haven’t found one.
I fumble for Linc’s hand and slip my fingers through his, pulling them tight until we’re hooked securely together. Linc squeezes once, and I am reassured enough to press on. “Ready?” he asks.
“Ready,” I say.
“Let’s go.”
We move slowly, dragging our feet to detect any change in the floor.  My shoes, black ankle boots that lace up the side, scuff louder than Linc’s. I scowl at the sound—and that my wardrobe is not exactly ideal for a covert outing.
Two right turns and a low overhang of metal piping later, Linc stops. There is the slightest bit of shadowed light filtering from the path that veers left before abruptly disappearing. It’s enough to create a silhouette of Linc’s features. He hovers in front of me, his body language protective even in the absence of danger.
“Why are we stopping?” I ask, breathless from anxiety and Linc’s proximity. Now that I can see him, my senses are on alert and I am aware of how close—and how alone—we are down here in the depths of the warehouse district.
In answer, Linc leans forward and cups my cheeks with his hands. His mouth hovers less than a breath away and he whispers, “I just wanted a minute alone with you.” His lips brush the edges of my mouth. “Is that all right?”
I nod and wait, mouth open and eyes closed, for our lips to connect. When they do, it sends a ripple of pleasure through me. A small noise escapes me and Linc deepens the kiss. I am lost in a sea of passion and disbelief that these feelings are mine to experience. Linc’s tongue slips out to trace the inside of my lip and my knees weaken. I wrap my arms around his shoulders for support and lean into him. I could kiss him forever and the miracle of it would still never grow old.
His mouth leaves mine to trail kisses across my cheek. “Linc …” I whisper. His hands drift lower, cupping my hips. His mouth dips to my neck and finds its way to the space just below my ear. I shiver.
“God, I love the way you feel in my arms,” he murmurs.
I offer silent agreement in the form of more kisses.
Linc’s hands wander, slipping underneath the gauzy fabric of my blouse and working their way up my ribs. His fingertips graze the underwire of my bra. I tense.
He backs off, lowering his hands to my waistline while slowly tempering our kisses. Even so, by the time he pulls away, my chest rises and falls heavily.
I reach up and trace his lips with my fingertip. Their shape is curving and I recognize a smile. I can feel his eyes on me, a delicious tingle of awareness that trails over my skin and down my back.
I hope he’ll kiss me again.

*********************

If you want to read more YA romantic teasers, check out these other YA Storytellers:

Liz Long

LM Preston

Christy Sloat

Kasi Blake

From the Ashes... How I became a Phoenix

I'm copying and pasting this post from my blog on Phoenix, which you can read here, because it's personal and relates a lot to some things I've already blogged about here in the past. SO, if you missed it and you want to read a pretty inspiring and uplifting story about how I got here and from where,
and why I chose to launch Phoenix, you should keep reading...

Trustworthy. Boldness. Passion. Authenticity. Inspiring.

When asked recently to choose 5 words that mean the most to me in my business and in my life, I chose these. The interesting thing is, five years ago these are not the words I would have chosen as important.

That’s because five years ago, I was stuck. Stuck inside my comfort zone spot. I was married with kids, busy cooking and cleaning and balancing the budget. I spent a lot of time worrying about the future and frowning into the present.

We’ve all been wedged into that spot. A place where you’re just getting by, existing, floating along. You aren’t sad or lonely or depressed. You aren’t thrilled or excited or passionate either. It’s not a place of fulfillment. It’s certainly not joy, it just IS.

Then an event happened that shook absolutely everything I was made of.

In one single moment, everything crumbled. My foundation was reduced to rubble and I was nothing more than a pile of ashes. Now, this event that I’m talking about was HUGE. Life-altering game-changing, identity-challenging. It’s a story with a tragic core and a beautiful rebuilding. And it’s not entirely my story to tell. At least, not on a public platform.

What I know is this: the details of the event don’t matter because we’ve ALL had it happen. That game-changing MOMENT in our lives. That split second where we are forced to take a step back and SEE things for how they truly are.

And for some people, it’s not a life-changing event. It’s straws placed over and over until your back breaks and you can’t imagine working that cubicle another day. Or answering to someone else’s demands on your time. Or missing just one more school play or soccer game. Or paying a babysitter another dime for childcare when you really want to be home.

Or continuing to live one more day in a life that’s become a lie. A s a person who isn’t fully YOU.

Being a Phoenix doesn’t always mean rising from tragedy. It means releasing an old life and rising into a new one.  

For me it was that one single event. An event that hurled me out of everything familiar, forcing me to either sink or swim.

I decided to swim. And it wasn’t easy. I had to tread water for several months, clawing my way back to who I was. Who I wanted to be.

The months coming away from that experience were difficult. I went through a very intensive and thorough self-discovery process. I had to rediscover myself from the ground up, all the way down to my soul.

Finally, when I felt myself regaining my footing, I re-discovered my love of writing.

And that’s where my real journey began.

What ended up happening next was miraculous and awesome and exciting. I found my way back through writing and then, on the priceless advice of a dear friend, I found my way to self-publishing.

You might not think discovering my calling as a writer sounds life-changing. And I’m here to tell you you’re wrong. Being an author and a coach is so much bigger than putting words on a page.

Bigger than “what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Bigger than making a living.

Being an author and a coach, for me, is about fulfilling my own Definite Purpose. For me, it's Maktub, an Arabic phrase from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It means: It is written. 

It’s about realizing I have something to contribute to the rest of the world. It’s about connecting. And when all of those things come together, it’s about the RUSH I get. And the complete assurance that I’m right where I’m meant to be.

Now, five years later, I’ve turned that thing that happened, that SHOVE out of my old life, into a PUSH that led to a new life.

I realized I was no longer the same person and not only that, I didn’t want to be. I’d spent too long fitting into "the comfort zone." This pre-conceived idea or space that I thought my life should be.

And I looked that old life in the face and said NO.

This time, it was a choice. I chose to PUSH myself outside my comfort zone and take a chance on my dreams.

I CHOSE ME.

And now, I wake up and choose me every single day and in doing so, I’ve created the life of my DREAMS.

Five years ago, I couldn’t imagine riding or owning a motorcycle—but I do. I couldn’t imagine travelling for pleasure on average every two months or spending ten days in the mountains of Colorado (kid-free) on the back of a motorcycle—but I did! I couldn’t imagine waking up every morning and saying to myself, “Today’s agenda, wherever it fits between the beach and a motorcycle ride, is to write and help other authors sell more books.”

In two weeks I leave for Guam where I’ll live and work for the next two months so that I can spend time with the person I consider the most exciting addition to this life I’ve created. And I can do ALL of my work from there just as easily as I can do it from the shore of eastern Virginia.

This is my outRAGEous life.

A fulfilling and passionate life created out of the ashes of a broken one. Full of a RAGing fire inside me that will never let me quit or give up or move on.

Following your dream is not an easy thing. It’s not comfortable or cozy. It’s messy and scary and probably makes you want to throw up a little. That’s good. If it doesn’t make you nauseous, it’s not big enough.

I hope my story inspires you, nudges you, SHOVES YOU out of the comfort zone you’re hiding in and into the discomfort of PURSUIT of your dreams.

At the very least, go have an adventure—and claim your own outRAGEous life!!