Sunday, October 11, 2015

Seven 11 Blog Hop: teaser & a giveaway

Every month, I offer a 7-line teaser from a WIP on the 11th of the month. This month, there are prizes involved! It's also special because it's the last month on this blog. I'm working on a new site and I can't wait to show you guys, so stay tuned!


In the meantime, here are 7 lines from Generation, coming this Tuesday 10/13! This is book 3 (the final book) in the IMitation series. I am so excited to share this one with you guys--thank you for sticking with Ven and the gang. In the comments, tell me whose wrap-up/ending you're most looking forward to!


The pause stretches into a millennium of memories.
Linc standing in the foyer that first day, leather jacket in hand, a cold smirk on his lips. My first motorcycle ride, viciously cold and addictive in its thrill. Obadiah and his vintage blue car. Ida and Lonnie. Daniel. Melanie. Raven. Becoming friends with the ones I thought were the enemy. All to beat the monster before me.
Please be happy.

I hope they understand I did this all for them.

~~~


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Other authors/giveaways to check out:

Felicia Tatum giving away 5 ebooks of Scornful Sadie!
SC Ellington giving away a $25 GC!
Bethany Lopez giving away e-copy of 3 Seconds
Justine Winter giving away ebook of Sapphire's Divinity
Amanda Aksel giving ebook of The Man Test
Kayla Smith giving ebook of Return to Pandora

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Just Breathe

August was extra-stressful for me. If you missed it, you can read about it here.

At the beginning of September, I made a commitment to myself to stop pretending I was too busy to do things that made me happier and healthier. To pay more attention to my kids and nature. To go outside. To read books. To stop worrying that I'm going to become obsolete if I don't "hurry up and write the next book."

I am just over two weeks into my new schedule. In that short time, I've lost weight, gained muscle, laughed, read great books, daydreamed, felt the breeze, hugged a turn on my motorcycle, written my first speech, done a full moon ceremony, read love letters to myself out loud in front of the mirror, and JUST BREATHED.

That last one is my favorite.

Whether you're a writer or another professional or a professional Momma (or Daddy), if you're feeling the stress (that we've mostly put on ourselves) to do and be MORE than is possible or necessary or FAIR, I encourage you to make your own commitment.

Just like me, you don't have to tell anyone about it when it happens. Sometimes the biggest changes occur in small silences. But do it. Sticking to my promise to myself has increased the quality of my life. The only one I get in this body and this mind. And my soul is grateful.

What do you do to disconnect from the stress and just be in your own body?



Monday, September 21, 2015

Bitterroot: Part 1 is available now!

There is nothing quite like a new release--I get so excited and nervous and silly every single time. This one is no different. Except that it is.... Werewolves AND vampires!??! 


If you know me or have read any interviews I've given on the subject, then you know that vampires have always scared me. I've been too afraid to write them and get them wrong somehow. So, I've refrained. and finally--I've done it. Owen is delicious and moody and slippery and mysterious--and deadly. I hope you like him!!! I want to hear from you guys! Please let me know your thoughts after reading! Then again, being a werewolf girl myself, Carter holds a special place in my heart too. Who is your favorite?? I can't wait to hear!



BITTERROOT Part 1
by Heather Hildenbrand & SM Reine


Seventeen year-old Regan Vuk has lived her whole life under the shadow of her future: the pack alpha. She is fast, smart, and determined. According to her own pack members, she is a shoo-in. But Regan’s dad has a secret.


Seventeen year-old Charlie spent her adolescence drifting from place to place with a mother desperate to hide her illegitimate daughter from the unforgiving reality of werewolf pack dynamics. All Charlie has ever wanted is to know her father--and the family that's been kept from her all these years. But most of all, she wants a place to belong in the world. Where she doesn’t have to pretend she can’t sprout fur and paws at will. Being kidnapped on her way home from prom was not she Charlie had in mind.


When Charlie finds out the only way to fit in with her new family is to defeat her long-lost sister for the role of alpha, she refuses. That is until she learns that the strange and alluring vampire she's befriended, Owen, is the same vampire prince that's been promised the winner.


Regan has no doubt that, although she loathes the vampires, it will be her who "wins" Owen.


Only problem: Charlie's already fallen for him.
Bitterroot is a Young Adult Paranormal with a dose of sibling rivalry... Who will you root for?
Just .99 for a limited time! 
Get it for: Kindle / Nook / iBooks

Contest! Help spread the word about Bitterroot!


Share the following message on Twitter, FB, or IG OR follow me on any of these platforms and get entered to win a signed swag pack including a paperback of Seasons of the Moon by SM Reine & Dirty Blood by ME! Contest ends 9/26!*


2 sisters. 1 vampires prince. Can family survive forbidden love? #Bitterroot for .99. http://bit.ly/Bitterroot1

*Contest not affiliated with FB, IG, Twitter, or any other outside entity. Must be 13 years or older. Void where prohibited.

Happy reading!

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Just let it SUCK

It's been a while since I wrote a personal post but it's also been a while since I had a month quite like August.

Hot damn, I'm glad that's behind me.

I don't know if it was Venus in Retrograde or the heat of summer melting brains, but it was a rough one. There were things that happened, sure, but mostly, it was the boat rocking way I DEALT with those things. I felt knocked off my game. I knew I was letting little things get to me more than I should--that the problem wasn't the problem but how I was DEALING with it--but I just couldn't seem to pull myself up by my bootstraps like I usually can.

I got mad and then emotional and then depressed. And then I began doubting myself. And I mean the basic foundational things that I've been working so hard at building up these last few years. After months of affirmations and struggling to be clear on WHO I AM and WHAT I STAND FOR, August came along and then I couldn't self-talk my way out of a paper bag.

Basically, I was a hot mess.

I know I'm not the only one this happens to. We all get it together and start rolling along thinking we're tougher because of that last thing that knocked us, and maybe you have a solid few months ... (the past YEAR for me has been great! Meaning: sucky stuff happened here and there but it never knocked me off the horse. I got good at feeling good.) ...and then something comes along and you feel like an infant about your emotional responses. No control.

I'm about to say something that sounds so cliche, it makes me feel like an asshole for saying it. Especially if you're still down there trying to get up.

YOU CAN'T CONTROL WHAT PEOPLE SAY AND DO. YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL HOW YOU REACT.

I know, I know. So cliche. Hokey, even. It probably pisses you off. It definitely pissed me off for the entire month of August. Because it sounds so EASY but it's NOT.

But the triteness of the phrase doesn't take away from it's truth. And the best part is there is POWER in that truth. If you can climb back to that place where you can begin to control your reactions, you feel so powerful!

There is no greater reminder of your own strength than the power of being in control of your own emotions.

And in the meantime, when that option just isn't in your arsenal of tricks, give yourself permission to let it SUCK for a minute. We get so caught up in how to feel good and reminding ourselves to be grateful and positive and only see the good, glass-half-full version of the picture that we don't let ourselves just FEEL HOW WE FEEL. It only compounds the problem.

I'm climbing my way out of the mudhole but the sky is brighter and for anyone else stuck down there, especially the ones who thought you'd put all that muck behind you, it's not a failure. It's not a setback. It's a lapse in personal power and it happens.

I know none of that means a ton when you're in it, but from someone standing on the other side, I'm with you. You're not alone. Sometimes, that is comfort enough. I'll see you when you get back.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

The thing Utopia gave me that changed my life!

In 2011, I was no one in the author community. I had JUST published my first 2 books. No one. Knew. Me. And then something crazy-new happened. 

A woman named Janet Wallace in Nashville, TN, fell in love with this new-fangled wave of indie/self-publishing. She was desperate to meet all of her favorite authors but alas, there was no conference in existence that invited indie authors. Back then, self-published still had a HUGE stigma. She didn't care. She had a vision. 

Janet created UtopiaCon (Originally UtopYAcon) out of a love for YA and a desire to meet and connect with the authors of her favorite YA stories. Authors like Amy Bartol, Shelly Crane, Tiffany King, CA Kunz, and Quinn Loftis (to name a few). 

Despite my anxiety, I went. And it changed my life. 

You have to understand, this was my first public appearance as an author. I hadn't so much as signed a bookmark in my hometown before Utopya that first year. It was terrifying but it was also the most rewarding thing I've ever done.

Fast forward, and we've just wrapped the 4th annual 

As we jump into the FIFTH year of the amazing UtopiaCon, we want to give back to the organizers who have given so much inspiration and support to us. A conference of this magnitude--of this level of MAGIC--is not cheap.

Over the past few months, we’ve learned that organizers, friends, and even family have come forward and given from their own personal funds in order to help move Utopia forward another year and we want to pay them back. We want to FIGHT FOR OUR WRITE and do our part to help.

This year especially, we'd like to make sure they go into planning sessions with an extra boost to the bottom line.




So if you've ever been touched by Utopia, or if you love any of the authors, bloggers, or readers who have, please take a moment to give a few dollars. This will insure the inspiration continues.

We hope you'll be led to give from the heart, but to sweeten the deal we have some MAJORLY EPIC incentives! In addition to what you’ll get from the Go Fund Me organizers (see the donation page to read about those), you’ll also get entered to win any one of these amazing raffle prizes listed in the rafflecopter below!

Prizes like this one:


or this...



And in order to help convey the magical sense of community Utopia has instilled in its attendees, I want everyone to know that...

WITHOUT UTOPIA I NEVER WOULD HAVE….




There is no purchase or donation necessary to enter to enter the drawing, but we encourage you to give even just $10 in order to help move us toward our big goal. And don’t forget, every donation of at least $10 earns you free books!

How to enter:
  1. Go visit #UtopiaLove’s Go Fund Me page and make a small donation (this isn’t necessary, but we would be so jazzed if you did this first! AND this earns you an automatic prize based on your donation level. Check your email to collect.)
  2. Click through any one of the rafflecopter entry methods. Complete the necessary item and get entered for all of the raffle prizes listed below.
  3. Click through to the list of other participating authors & bloggers to read how Utopia has changed them!

That’s it! Thanks!

Participating Blogs:

Kallie Ross    Kallieross.com
Komali da Silva www.komalidasilva.com
Patti Larsen www.pattilarsen.com


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Saturday, July 11, 2015

Seven 11 Hop: A teaser from my upcoming release and a clean glass of water

It's that time again. The monthly Seven 11 Blog Hop is a teaser event where some awesome author peeps get together and tease you ... (with their fiction-writing, DUH!)

This month is a special one because it's also one of my BFF's and author friends, Amanda Aksel's birthday! (you can check out her books and Seven 11 teaser here.)


Also, she's kind of freaking out about being the dirty thirty. So, Amanda, this is for you:




And in honor of her freak-out, she's asked you NOT give presents. Take your money and give it all to CharityWater, instead, a charity committed to providing clean water to countries and people without. You can donate here to offer up someone thirsty a clean glass of water. https://my.charitywater.org/amandas-30th-birthday


And now, my teaser! And because I couldn't help myself, it's a little longer than 7 lines. I am really bad at following directions...


“Dad, what’s going on?” Regan asked.
“We’re getting ready for a wedding,” he said, the words so matter-of-fact, I was surprised Regan didn’t already know. It felt like everyone knew what was going on but me.
“It looks like a pretty big deal,” I said. “Who’s going to be married?”
“You are,” he said. And then, turning to Regan, added, “Or maybe it will be you.”
I felt all the blood rush out of my head. The world spun around me, and I had to grab one of the benches to stay standing. “Excuse me? I’m … You’re joking. This is a joke, right?”
Regan was pale and deathly silent beside me.
“Not a joke,” he corrected. “Rather a pledge. Tonight, we are hosting an engagement party for the impending marriage of the next alpha. Whichever of my daughters that turns out to be.”
My half-sister stiffened behind him. Her eyes went round and her nostrils flared.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I protested.
“It makes too much sense, and there’s the logic in it that can’t be overlooked, unfortunately. No matter our...feelings,” he said with a pointed look at Regan that sent a ripple of dread through me.
“Dad, what did you do?” Regan asked.
“It’s time for both of you to learn about the treaty,” Dad said. “Sit down.”
I did what he told me to, but not because I wanted to be obedient. I just didn’t have any other choice. My legs wouldn’t hold me up anymore. Regan didn’t budge, but she was breathing hard, and I guessed she hadn’t known any more about the marriage thing than I did.
Marriage? Was he crazy? Had living out here in isolation amongst only werewolves rotted his brain? 


(Bitteroot, a YA PNR novella series coming this Fall)

And before you go, show Amanda some birthday lurve and enter to win an ebook copy of her book!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Thursday, June 11, 2015

(slightly more than) Seven 11 Blog Hop & a giveaway


It's time for another Seven 11 Blog hop. Which means you get a random seven lines from my current draft!... Only, this month, it seems I forgot how to count :) I'm giving you the first SNEAK PEEK of a new project I'm working on with SM Reine due out this Fall. It's called Bitterroot. A YA paranormal with (drum roll...) werewolves vs. vampires!

Read on and then click the links at the end for a sweet giveaway and more authors who have posted teasers. And if you want more info on Bitterroot (teasers, release date, cover reveal, etc) make sure you get signed up for my Love Birds newsletter and be the first to know!




I bounded down the steps and darted in among the parked cars, heading straight for the treeline at the edge of the blacktop. I glanced around as I ran, making sure no one witnessed my strange exit--you never knew who’d stepped out the back door to sneak a cigarette--but it looked like the coast was clear.

I sniffed. Yep. I was alone.

My body relaxed when I stepped off the pavement and onto the soft ground of the woods. A collective exhale.

The change was fast and easy these days, but it wasn’t always that way. It was kind of embarrassing as a kid. Lots of torn clothes and nudity. But there was a trick to it, and my mom and I had practiced enough that everything went much smoother these days. Now, I knew how to shift at will--and still have my clothes on when I shifted back.

I held my breath and focused on keeping everything together as I shifted into my wolf form. Skin and muscles rippled. The air around me shivered. I fell onto all fours, and it was paws that hit the ground instead of fingers.

Starting out with an easy run, I increased my speed until the depressions of my prints were so slight, they barely left a mark. I’d been denying myself this all week. It was too difficult to give in often here, among so many humans. But tonight, with the rain to mask my scent, and all of the nocturnal creatures hiding from the deluge, I could run. I gave in to my stolen minutes of guilty freedom and let everything fall away but my wolf.

The run home was entirely too short, but at least I made curfew. I shifted at the edge of the woods, bracing against the chill of the night air on my bare skin as my fur fell away. My dress remained intact, though a little muddy around the hem (which would annoy my mom to no end). The shoes weren’t so lucky. I must have left them behind.

“Stupid heels,” I muttered. For whatever reason, they were so much harder to hang on to than sneakers.

I stomped toward the house, bare feet sucking in and out of the mud. Halfway up the back steps, voices drifted over. I halted mid-step and looked around for the source.

“I’m telling you, I just scented someone, and it wasn’t Anita. I think she’s almost here,” said a voice. The speaker sounded young, close to my age maybe.

“Must be on foot, then,” said another. This one was deeply male. Older.

Their conversation caught my attention. They smelled me? A human couldn’t have…

No way. It couldn’t be.

*****************************************

I was kind of uncertain about posting this or putting it out. Some people say paranormal romance is dead right now. I think they're crazy. In the comments, let me know what you think! 

When you're finished, click the links below to read more great teasers from some authors I love....


From now until June 17, I'm giving away one of my favorite planners: The Passion Planner! The best way to keep focused and balanced as it prompts you to remember things like self-care and introspection along with your daily life and work.
To get entered, share about the Connective Collective, a monthly conference call for authors, and use the rafflecopter to record your entry.





a Rafflecopter giveaway

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Seven 11 Blog Hop for April



Hi from Roanoke, VA! 

I'm here for the weekend signing books and staying up late chatting about book boyfriends and all the fun "fiction gossip" that goes with getting to hang out with My People. 

Monday, I fly out for Guam, and I Can't. Wait. For. Hot. (I meant the weather, not the husband. Okay, yes, I did. I meant both.) So next week I'll probably be a little absent as I adjust through the jet lag, etc. and get settled in my house there. and then Pictures!

This winter fellllt loooong. Pretty sure I left my house only on a Must-Survive basis. Same goes for real pants. But I did write three books during that time. 

More news on what's coming next very soon!

In the meantime, a throwback for this month's Seven 11 Blog Hop! 

7 lines from Dirty Blood, the book that started it all, really. 

Enjoy and then click through to some other awesome authors!

His eyes were the same exact color as his hair, a sort of bronzed brown, and they seemed to hold some dark edge that hinted at danger, no matter how gentle they got. The rest of him wasn’t bad, either. His face matched his eyes, rugged and hard edges from his cheekbones to his jaw. When he’d spun me around, I’d grabbed out to steady myself and even now my hands still rested on his shoulders, where I’d first gripped. Underneath my fingers, and the leather of his jacket, was solid muscle. The fact that I was actually checking him out—just moments after killing a girl—was my first clue I was in shock.


If you haven't read it yet, you can get book 1 and two FREE
when you sign up for my Love Birds email updates!

Amanda Aksel - 7 lines from her new secret project I can't WAIT to read!
Steph Nuss - not YA-appropriate but GREAT adult reads!

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Generation's cover and a bonus scene

Generation (The Imitation Series, Book 3)
Releasing October 13, 2015




After months of pretending to be Raven Rogen, Ven feels less like a clone and more like a human than ever. But when Raven’s father, Titus—the same man who engineered Ven—discovers her plan to escape, everything she’s worked so hard for is taken away in one explosive moment.

Now she’s imprisoned in Twig City, the secret warehouse where she grew up. She spends her days plotting ways to get back to the outside world, determined to topple Titus’s empire and free every last Imitation. But Titus’s reach is extensive and his plans are more deadly than she realized.

In the shocking conclusion to the Imitation series, one wrong move could mean the end for Ven and everyone she’s come to love.

AVAILABLE NOW FOR PRE-ORDER ON AMAZON.COM



**SPOILER ALERT – SPOILER ALERT**
If you have not Read Deviation Yet
STOP NOW!

Bonus Scene from Linc
*Two Months After the End of Deviation*

The car is warm despite the chill outside. My window has fogged and I shift trying to get a better view. My legs cramp at being bent so long. I stretch them slowly, first right and then left. My knee pops and I wince. Anna looks over, an apology on the edge of her lips.
“I’m fine,” I say.
She presses her lips together and I know what she’s thinking. We could leave. But neither of us is willing to give up with so little to report back.
The mission is to watch Marla, the woman Titus uses as his gatekeeper out of Twig City. She’s one option among a scant few that we’ve come up with as a way in to look for Ven. Melanie suggested we follow her and try to find a weakness, something we can use against her. But the woman is a robot. She goes to work, she comes home, she watches The Biggest Loser. If we don’t find anything tonight, we’ll move on. I need to watch, to spot something we can exploit. I can’t do that through frosted glass.
Maybe my breaths are too heavy. I will myself to calm down. Anna’s still watching me, her brow furrowed like she’s still trying to come up with a way to fix me. If she only knew.
I pretend not to see her and stare through the window. Outside, the darkness is lit by the soft glow of the street lamps but it’s eerie to me. Shadows encroaching on the light. Monsters plotting. Everything in my life feels like a damn threat these days.
“You could climb in the backseat,” Anna offers finally.
I sigh. Anna’s always trying to please others.
“I’m good,” I repeat, pretending the stiffness doesn’t linger when I reposition my legs and tuck them underneath the dashboard. We’ve been here six hours and counting. Not how I wanted to spend the night—with a girl who isn’t Ven.
As usual when I think of her, I wince at the ache it brings. Anna’s gaze sharpens as she studies me across the shadowed interior of Melanie’s car.
“She’s fine, you know,” Anna says.
I consider pretending not to catch her meaning but it’s no use. I’ve been an open book with a harsh ending for months now. I pretend to stare at Marla’s townhouse at the end of the street but I don’t register a damn thing about it. Inside my head, Ven’s eyes blink back at me, trusting. Her lips pucker affectionately. All of the images are reminders that I failed her.
“How do you know?” I ask and hate the tortured sound of my own words.
“Ven is a fighter. She always has been. She’ll find a way to be okay.”
I ran a hand over my hair, rubbing hard as if that will erase the images that taunt me. “You sound really sure about that. But you can’t know. Not really. She’s in there and we’re out here and no one has even seen her.” Anger, helpless rotten fury, wells in my veins. Without meaning to, my hands ball into fists in my lap.
“He won’t kill her,” Anna says. I don’t know whether to be relieved or dismayed that she sounds so sure. Anna can be hopeful to the point of naïve. But right now, it’s all I’ve got to cling to. “If he was going to do it, he would’ve done it long before that night,” she adds.
I lean my head back on the seat, giving up the pretense of actually performing any recon. “How do you do that?” I ask.
“Do what?”
I look over in time to see her blink at me, so unaware of her own strength. Like Ven. I grimace, shove that aside, and force myself to focus on the present. “Be so optimistic all the time,” I say. “Even when things look completely hopeless you’re upbeat.”
Sh shrugs. “My Authentic was that way. Maybe she influenced me. Maybe it’s partly my personality.” She sounds uncertain and I glance sideways at her.
“And the other part?”
“Families don’t give up on each other,” she says. And it’s a matter-of-fact kind of thing that knocks me for a loop. Guilt gnaws at me. She’s right. And she’s family too. All of them are now and I’ve been so wrapped up in losing Ven and trying to get her back, I’ve forgotten all of them are messed up too.
“You’re right,” I say, forcing myself to sound like I mean it. For Anna’s sake. I twist to face her squarely. “We are family. And families always fight.”
She smiles at me but I look away. I don’t know how to tell her that particular kind of smile, the warm, fuzzy feeling it gives, reminds me of Ven. I don’t deserve a smile like that when I lost her to  a man like Titus Rogen.
I clear my throat and look around for something to say. “How’s your arm?” I ask.
She holds it up and even in the dim lighting I see the scar is already fading. “Much better,” she says.
I grunt, glad to see the infection didn’t cause permanent damage. Cutting out a GPS tracker is risky business. But she’s right, it looks a lot better. Much more healed than my sorry ass broken heart. I look up at Marla’s house one last time and start the engine. There’s nothing for us here. We’re going to have to do this another way.



Haven’t Started the Series Yet?
Get Imitation for Your Kindle or Pre-Order Your Paperback Coming May 19!

Everyone is exactly like me. There is no one like me. 

Ven wrestles with these contradicting truths every day. A clone of wealthy eighteen-year-old Raven Rogen, Ven knows everything about the girl she was created to serve: the clothes she wears, the boys she loves, the friends she loves to hate. Yet she’s never met the Authentic Raven face-to-face. Imitations like Ven only get to leave the lab when they’re needed—to replace a dead Authentic, donate an organ, or complete a specific mission. And Raven has neverneeded Ven . . . until now.

When there is an attack on Raven’s life, Ven is thrust into the real world, posing as Raven to draw out the people who tried to harm her. But as Ven dives deeper into Raven’s world, she begins to question everything she was ever told. She exists for Raven, but is she prepared to sacrifice herself for a girl she’s never met?
Coming Soon!
Get Your Copy NOW!



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Monday, March 23, 2015

be assertive but avoid conflict

The rules go something like this

Be sweet but not naive.
Be friendly but not flirty.
Be pretty but not invitingly so.
Be smart but not too smart.
Be confident but not cocky.
Be helpful but don't get taken advantage of.
Be fun but not scandalous.
Be discreet but don't lie.
Be funny but not vulgar.
Be feminine but not slutty.
Be assertive but avoid conflict.
Be demure but not a tease.
Be tough but not masculine.
Be discerning but friends with everyone.
Be sorry.
Behave.



I'm an author. I understand the weight of words. These are a particularly heavy set. In fact, looking back, I realize now that they were the foundational bricks of my childhood. Whether by word or unspoken lesson, they were ingrained in me from as far back as I can remember, framing the entire construction of my adulthood. And maybe yours too.

Some who taught me these truths did it in purpose and some by accident. And with contradictions like these (not to mention gender and cultural stereotypes), it's no wonder girls grow up to be women who don't know who they are. Or worse, grow up pretending to be someone they're not.

A few years ago, something happened in my personal life that forced me to take stock of who I was. The experience and then the overcoming took everything I had and then some. I learned I was NOT the girl described above. The girl my parents, my church, and my society all tried to teach me to be with the words up there. And thank goodness! I would never have made it if I'd tried using those as my parameters.

It's been years since then and STILL, I find myself cowering down underneath one of those lies once in a while. Usually when someone or something comes along and doubts me. In those times, I am tempted to react based on one of those traits I'm "supposed to have."

There are times when I've tried making myself smaller, afraid to speak up and say how smart I was in case it made the other person insecure. Or I'd apologize even though it wasn't really my fault. Or I'd feel unattractive because I was dressed in baggy jeans and a sweatshirt instead of something "girly."

And the one I most often struggle with is "Be Assertive but Avoid Conflict."

I have always had a very individualized sense of what I believe is right. Growing up, I didn't see the world as black and white like my family and faith did. I saw it as (please forgive the pun, it's not a good one) so many shades of gray. And I always felt this surge of temper and defiance against someone I felt violated a personal level of respect over differing opinions. I think the Christians I grew up with call it judgement.

But then avoiding conflict became the thing to do (we have a genetic disorder called DENIAL that runs in my family) and even now, it's so hard for me to speak into a situation with conflict. But I do it. Even with hands shaking and heart pounding and my throat is splotchy with red (does that happen to you? So not attractive according to the rules.) ... Even then I do it anyway.

And I walk away and repeat to myself that conflict isn't bad. It's uncomfortable. What's bad is not standing up for what you believe. As an author, a "social figure," we're schooled and reminded lest we forget to always BEHAVE. Don't rock the boat. Don't tell you who I voted for or what God I believe in or anything that will offend you because that will alienate--and this is business.

But that's giving into the rules. And I don't want to live with those anymore. I honestly prefer the gray. So, here's to living out loud and being who you are:

I believe in God and karma and our inner Buddha. I believe we're all one energy made from the same atoms of The Universe and we're all interconnected. I believe in an afterlife. In soul mates. In magic and the law of attraction. I believe we're all beautiful and capable and worthy. I believe we shouldn't have to be smaller for others to feel bigger. I believe in talking about the hard issues in the daylight. I believe sweeping anything under the rug is wrong. I believe in standing up for what's right even if it makes you loud and too assertive for the rules. I believe in forgiving yourself. I believe in having an opinion. I believe if you're reading this post with a nasty frown, the only reason you might be angry is because you're still living by the rules.

I believe that it's possible for you to break free.