Tuesday, October 4, 2011

how to be pregnant and NOT cut somebody!

If you're reading this and you're the type who likes striking up conversations with strangers in grocery stores, get PREGNANT. Personally, I have nothing against a little small talk with the mothers of grown children who wants to share mom stories about when their kids were younger, give advice, blah blah blah. Usually it's harmless and polite and not altogether un-enjoyable.

But when you're seven months pregnant and so big you can't see your feet - much less your own who-ha - its none of those things, because the convo goes something like this:

Retired age lady: "Oh." <smiles and eyes my belly> "When are you due?"
Me: "December."
Lady: <smile drops to a frown and eyes go wide.> "Oh. So big already."
Me: <try not to cut someone with my license. Paste on a smile.> "Um, yeah, apparently I make big babies. My last one was ten pounds so...."
Lady: "Oh my."
"Me: "So he'll just be big." (basically, I'm still being defensive here)
Lady: "Oh well, yes, that's quite large. My goodness." <eyes me like I shouldn't even be walking around>
Me: "Well... bye!" <makes a mad, waddling dash of an escape into the next aisle>

And then, in said aisle....
The process repeats itself.

Geesh. My pasted smile is wearing thin. I know I'm big, people! Trust me, I'm the one who carries it around. And it's not that much fun most of the time. Babies are fun. Thinking about the baby is fun. But carrying him at waist level, with nothing to hold him up but my stretched-thin skin, yeah - not so much fun. But thanks for pointing out just one more thing to make me feel bad about myself for: How fat I am.

I feel bad for the girls who are having baby #1 that have to endure those looks and comments. I don't remember getting very much of that with my first - or second, for that matter. I had a lot of strangers come up and randomly touch or rub my belly, but at least no one looked at me like I needed to go on prego-mama weight watchers. And the thing is, I've gained less weight this time than I did both times before. It really is ALL belly weight! (okay, and boobs but the guys reading this really don't need to hear all that.) Anyway, the point is, I don't care if I DO look like I've gained fifty pounds in each limb or something. I'm PREGNANT!!!! There's a reason for the extra padding and either way, it's none of your business. So quit looking at me with those judgy eyes before I make you a character in my book and then kill that character.

Whew. <deep breath> I feel better.

Oh, book progress. Yeah, let's talk about that real quick because that'll make me look less hormonal and nuts after all the spewing. Haha.

Revisions are coming along. Slow and steady. We're still shooting for a Thanksgiving release. And there are so many things I wish I could tell you about it!!! But I won't give anything away. At least not yet. Later this month, I will reveal a snippet on a very special blog post that I will tell you about later. =) And you'll love it and hate me and want more but that's all I'm going to say for right now.

Pregnancy makes me evil. hehe.

Oh and in the meantime, head over to A Cupcake and a Latte for a giveaway of Dirty Blood and Across the Galaxy for her 1000 Followers Giveaway.


  1. Hahaha! Oh man, Heather. That really sucks that people do this! But you tell the story so hilariously! Next time, you should look at the person and say, "Oh, and you're pregnant too, I see! Congratulations." Fake them out, show them how out of place they are for even opening their mouth! lol

    Yay!!! So EXCITED for Cold Blood! And how do I NOT know about this snippet? You just set yourself up for daily beg sessions, my lady! lol I shall now commence said begging on FB! See ya there!

  2. "I might be pregnant, but in a few months, this baby will fall out and I will be skinny again. You? You're gonna need a second mortgage and a plastic surgeon to fix THAT shit." I'm sure you are GLORIOUS. Revel in all your puffiness. Babies are beautiful! I just wished I lived closer so I could squish Herman's cheeks. And nibble his feet. God, my baby turned 7 in July, and his feet don't smell so great anymore. Babiessssss... You're doing great, Heather. Don't mind the dummies. Evolution will take care of them soon enough. xoxo

  3. I had the opposite problem as you. My biggest baby was 7 lbs. My smallest was 5.15. I actually had people say to me when I told them when I was due, "Are you sure you're taking care of yourself? You don't want the baby to be born a premie." I remember crying to my midwife on several occasions, thinking that I actually *was* doing something wrong, despite it being my third pregnancy. People can be clueless at how offensive they're being. Hang in there!

  4. Ouch. Some people need to learn some cooth. I bet the hormones raging inside of you give you super-strength.

  5. i know im due december as well and random ppl keep asking if im having twins!!! its my third leave me alone. feel u sister