Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Just let it SUCK

It's been a while since I wrote a personal post but it's also been a while since I had a month quite like August.

Hot damn, I'm glad that's behind me.

I don't know if it was Venus in Retrograde or the heat of summer melting brains, but it was a rough one. There were things that happened, sure, but mostly, it was the boat rocking way I DEALT with those things. I felt knocked off my game. I knew I was letting little things get to me more than I should--that the problem wasn't the problem but how I was DEALING with it--but I just couldn't seem to pull myself up by my bootstraps like I usually can.

I got mad and then emotional and then depressed. And then I began doubting myself. And I mean the basic foundational things that I've been working so hard at building up these last few years. After months of affirmations and struggling to be clear on WHO I AM and WHAT I STAND FOR, August came along and then I couldn't self-talk my way out of a paper bag.

Basically, I was a hot mess.

I know I'm not the only one this happens to. We all get it together and start rolling along thinking we're tougher because of that last thing that knocked us, and maybe you have a solid few months ... (the past YEAR for me has been great! Meaning: sucky stuff happened here and there but it never knocked me off the horse. I got good at feeling good.) ...and then something comes along and you feel like an infant about your emotional responses. No control.

I'm about to say something that sounds so cliche, it makes me feel like an asshole for saying it. Especially if you're still down there trying to get up.


I know, I know. So cliche. Hokey, even. It probably pisses you off. It definitely pissed me off for the entire month of August. Because it sounds so EASY but it's NOT.

But the triteness of the phrase doesn't take away from it's truth. And the best part is there is POWER in that truth. If you can climb back to that place where you can begin to control your reactions, you feel so powerful!

There is no greater reminder of your own strength than the power of being in control of your own emotions.

And in the meantime, when that option just isn't in your arsenal of tricks, give yourself permission to let it SUCK for a minute. We get so caught up in how to feel good and reminding ourselves to be grateful and positive and only see the good, glass-half-full version of the picture that we don't let ourselves just FEEL HOW WE FEEL. It only compounds the problem.

I'm climbing my way out of the mudhole but the sky is brighter and for anyone else stuck down there, especially the ones who thought you'd put all that muck behind you, it's not a failure. It's not a setback. It's a lapse in personal power and it happens.

I know none of that means a ton when you're in it, but from someone standing on the other side, I'm with you. You're not alone. Sometimes, that is comfort enough. I'll see you when you get back.


  1. Beautiful lesson learned. I agree completely!

  2. Girl! If you're ever down there again call me. I'm serious. I own a f#%&ing timeshare but I know the road out and I've lead many out! Sometimes you just have to give yourself permission to suck - just be the best bucket of suck you can and stand proud. Because at the end of the day, how can you lift others out if you don't understand their struggles.
    No one, and I mean no one in this world is perfect and it's through our imperfections that we learn the greatest lessons.
    For me this past 12 months has been one series of WTF after another. Each time I pick myself, dust myself off, give the universe the finger and keep moving. That's all we can do!
    I love you, you are amazing and you inspire me!
    Go forth and suck some more, it's grist for the mill and building blocks for the fundamentals for who we are at the core. Because it's not the good times that define us, it's the hard times.

    1. I love your guts so hard!! I know you understand what it feels like to be in this place, and through it all, you always have words of wisdom. Love you!