Monday, May 16, 2011

The day the birds took over my microwave... and current giveaways to enter

Okay, let me just start at the beginning. The hubby and I have been aware for some time that a family of birds have made their nest just inside the little vent on the back of our house. The same vent that leads to our range vent over our oven. We know they're there and we decided to leave it until the baby birdies get big enough to fly away and then we can seal it up.


I woke up Saturday morning to frantic chirping and scraping of birdy claws, right behind my microwave. It was loud. Like in the room with you kind of loud. And it didnt go away. It wasnt hard to figure out that the birdy family was STUCK. Inside my range vent.

At the time, there was nothing we could do. We had plans to help my mother move into her new house on Saturday so we told the birds to chillax and we left for the day. I was hoping they'd manage to find a way to climb out and get free while we were gone but no such luck. I got home around 9pm and still, the chirping and scraping. It was loud. Like, I was scared that if I opened my microwave or the spice cabinet above it, a bird might just fly out.

Then there was the smell. Like a sweet-sickly smell that made you want to gag and wrinkle your nose on a good day. I was the only one who could smell it, though. Now to understand the extent of the gagging it caused, you must know this: I'm pregnant. Yeah, I just slid the big news right into the middle of my bird story. We'll come back to that if you want. But the main thing to know is that my nose is like a super smeller, so no one really believed me or cared that i could smell something weird (yet again) that they couldn't detect.

Anyway, so it was gross and made me want to hurl and in the end, I just couldn't stay downstairs, so I went to bed.

Sunday, we wake up... STILL chirping and trying to scrape free. No luck. The smell is worse. Really bad. The hubby can smell it now. We have friends over. (Did i mention Saturday was my birthday?) I put lunch in the microwave to heat it and open it to find my microwave covered in bird... debris. Tiny feathers and what looks like dandruff is everywhere. Apparently came in through the vent inside my microwave. Gross. The food goes in the trash. We spring for Taco Bell.

I vow to never eat/cook anything in this kitchen again, until the hubby fixes the bird problem. They've gotta go. And I'll be outside 'til he's done because I can't take the smell.

The hubby calls his friend over from next door. They don gloves and begin to make a battle plan. The neighbors wander over. This is getting interesting. My hubby's friend, we'll call him Wingman, comes over with what looks like extra sharp pruning shears. I give him a horrified look but he says they're to help cut the access hole. Still, I'm suspicious...

The hubby says he can make a hole in the vent through the spice cabinet fairly easy but then what? I tell him to use a plastic bag to catch the birds in. Conversation goes like this:

Hubs: What should I catch them in?
Me: a plastic bag
Hubs: Then what? You just want me to leave them in the bag and beat on 'em til they're dead?
Me: NOOO!! What?!! Why would you think that?? Take the bag to the backyard and LET THEM GO!
Hubs: Ohhhh, yeah that works, too.
me: Geesh. *shakes head*

So, they man up and square their shoulders and come inside. My kids, along with their cousins and neighbor friends, all squish onto the barstools across from the cabinet, to watch. I creep just inside the front door and peer around the corner, with one foot out the door.

The hubby and his Wingman begin. They peel the hole open. Beaks are visible. There are SIX birds!!

One by one, they reach down and grab birds and shove them into a plastic bag. The bag is handed off to the Wingman, and taken out back and let go. But then...

The last bird gets feisty. Before the hubby can snag it, it makes a break for it and soars across the living room, and perches on my MP3, above the fireplace.

Pandemonium ensues.

Kids scream. I scream.

Kids beeline for a door. I beeline for a door.

People pour out of my house. Some are laughing. Some are crying. Through the open front door I can see my husband chasing the bird around the house. I see it fly by and perch on the railing at the top of the stairs.

Someone closes the door in their panic.

The hubby reopens it. "We need the doors open if we want to chase it out," he says. Oh yeah, duh. Okay. We leave the door open and back up into the yard to stay clear of any sudden escape on the bird's part. Kids are pulling on my arms, wanting to be held or just be heard. They aren't even my kids. Pretty sure my son and his friend are still in the house, watching the crazy bird.

Voices drift up from the backyard. The bird is gone. Chased out the back door. Whew. It's over.

Everyone regroups in the driveaway to share the experience from their point of view. The hubby emerges and says four of the birds were young and can't fly away. They're behind the fence in our backyard, wandering around. I check it out and feel bad when I see them looking so helpless, but I know they have a way better chance at survival that way than being stuck in my oven vent...

The panic dies down. Everyone's laughing now. Some of them are still laughing at how quick I got out the door when it happened. The kids wander back inside and when I check on them, they're playing 'Angry Birds' on the Ipod.

So that was the story of the day the birds took over my microwave. Now, real quick, there's some really cool giveaways going on right now that you should know about.

Me, My Shelf, And I is hosting me for an Ebook giveaway of Dirty Blood. Just fill out the form on her site to be entered.

Rachel at The Rest is Still Unwritten is doing an ebook giveaway as well.

Both are running through the end of May, I think. Be sure to stop over and enter.

Oh and be sure to stop by Angeline Kace's blog and read chapter one of Descended by Blood, due out this summer. Its going to be awesome! Be sure to leave a comment and let her know what you think.


  1. Great story! Nothing like a little bird excitement to get the day going! :)

  2. OMG!! This story was soo funny! I mean, why would hubby assume you wanted the bag to torture the birdies? lol And the kids, that are not your own, hanging on you like that. Hahahaha

    I was worried when I started to read your post. Birds feces are actually very dangerous to breathe in. We had birds at my mom's house, and we had to call a guy that knew hazmat stuff to clean it out. So, I was worried that you and your pregger self would be breathing in the bird's deadly toxins. Glad you guys took care of that! And that I got a funny story out of it! ;)

    Congrats on the baby! But you already knew I was excited for you ;) And thanks for the shout out of Chapter 1!

    Angeline Kace

  3. Ah, birds in the house. Fond memories from my childhood. My parents didn't invest in a chimney cover until 1998. Congratulations on the baby :)

  4. First of all . . . congratulations on your pregnancy! Secondly, this post had me laughing the entire way through. Glad everything turned out okay in the end. :-D

  5. i found this story.. and I'm facing the same exact situation on my microwave ovent vent. Going to go through the same venture with 2 others shortly! wish me luck!

  6. eww. I still smell birdies when I walk by my microwave. Good Luck!!