A Zompire Love Story

About three weeks ago, I had the privilege of hanging with my daughter's fifth grade class. I talked to them about what it is I do (sit around in my PJs all day and make money for telling lies--they think that sounds awesome) and how exactly I go about plotting a new story. 

I decided to show them and so we used the white board and our imaginations and we plotted a story of our own. Everyone contributed and when we were finished forty minutes later, we had the coolest concept and even a brand new paranormal species! 

It's so good, I had to share it with you. These kids rock and I had such a blast. Definitely worth putting real pants on! 

This is our story:

A Zompire Love Story

by Mrs. Strohecker's fifth grade class, Birdneck Elementary School

Once there was a very pretty human girl named Britney Spears. She was a cheerleader and was very happy and cheerful all the time. In the same town lived a boy named Jeff Dixon, who had some time ago, been turned into a zombie. How much time, he couldn’t remember exactly. Zombies’ brains were sort of mushy and forgetful. Jeff Dixon played football because, in their town, if you were good at sports, even zombies were accepted on the team—as long as they kept all of their limbs intact. Jeff worked really hard at keeping his arms and legs attached, even when the bigger guys tackled him.

Jeff also played football for another reason. For as far back as his mushy, guts-for-dinner-craving brain could remember, he was in love with Britney Spears. At practice, he would stare at her across the field. Her pleated skirt and sunny smile always made his dead emotions flicker to life. Sometimes she would pass by him on the way to the locker room. He would time it just right and pretend to bump her, but every time, he would only manage a stuttered, “Sorry,” before she’d skip off to her waiting friends.

Jeff wished his legs wouldn’t fall off if he tried to keep up as she ran away.

One day, Britney didn’t run off. In fact, it looked like it was she who slowed down and waited for him. She slowed down and matched her slow pace to his as they headed to the locker rooms. When she said hello and smiled, it felt like his heart had dropped into his stomach—maybe it had. He’d heard of that happening to other zombies.

Britney started waiting for Jeff every day after practice. Soon, they began hanging out on the weekends. Britney was so happy and cheerful, it made Jeff feel better. Britney loved how Jeff’s jokes made her laugh.

One night, after Jeff walked Britney to her door, he leaned in and kissed her. He waited for her to yell or complain but she didn’t. She kissed him back. From that day on, Jeff kissed Britney whenever he could. He liked kissing her more than he liked football. It made Britney nervous but she liked Jeff a lot and so she kissed him anyway.

One day, Jeff kissed Britney so hard that he lost control. His zombie senses took over and he accidentally bit down on her face. Britney screamed and ran home but it was too late. The next morning, Britney woke up a zombie. She tried to forgive Jeff and so she kissed him again the next day, but this time her jaw fell off. Britney cried and began running home. Jeff got so upset, he tried to run after her, but his leg fell off and he couldn’t reach her.

Britney was devastated. She broke up with Jeff and told him she never wanted to speak again.

A few weeks later, a new boy came to school. His name was Trevor Smith and he was a vampire. He was really cute and nice to Britney. He didn’t even care that she was a zombie with a re-attached jaw. Soon, Britney became Trevor’s girlfriend.

Jeff watched the two of them and even watched Trevor when Britney wasn’t around. He knew Trevor was evil and that he only pretended to be good for Britney. Jeff tried warning Britney but she wouldn’t listen. One day, Trevor caught Jeff spying on him and got angry. Trevor walked up to Jeff and threatened him saying, “If you don’t leave right now, I’ll make you leave.”

Jeff looked at Britney and knew he couldn’t back down. He said, “No.”

Trevor lunged at Jeff and they began to fight. Britney yelled for them to stop but they didn’t listen. Soon, Jeff’s arm fell off and Trevor pinned him on the ground. Britney yelled again, begging him not to hurt Jeff any more. Trevor looked at her and said, “I don’t care about him—or anyone else.” And Britney knew Jeff was right; Trevor was evil.

Britney shoved Trevor and Jeff crawled free and did the only thing he could do to win: he bit Trevor. Trevor screamed and bit down on Jeff’s arm, but it was too late. Zombie bites were like poison to vampires and Trevor shook and fell down and died.

Jeff shivered in the corner and when Britney went to help, she could see something different about him. His eyes were red like a vampire but his skin and organs were still dead like a zombie.

“Jeff, what’s happening?” Britney asked.

“I think I’m both now,” he said.

“So, like, a … zompire?”

“Yes. A Zompire,” Jeff said.

“I don’t care. I love you anyway,” said Britney.

Britney kissed Jeff and helped him reattach his arm and they lived happily ever after, a zombie and a zompire.

The End